My Bonbon

After a day of errands yesterday, I visited a friend’s computer shop to unwind. I missed playing Garena LOL so I decided that today is a good day to go online and play. After sometime, out of nowhere, two familiar faces popped-up in the shop. It’s Bonbon and Bourbon.

Flashback: Bonbon and Bourbon are actually twin brothers. I first saw them in high-school but we’re never friends yet at that time. Well, they don’t know me since I’m actually a nobody in high school. They both are members of our baseball team and they are quite popular especially with the girls. They are cute, half Chinese, and tall and not to mention they have nice athletic bodies too. They are 2 years my senior. I guess I developed a crush to both of them then. But I was too naïve to understand what I felt towards them.

Come college, I saw them again in the same university I went to. Bonbon and I were in the same block section. I learned they stopped for about 2 years because of money issues. Bourbon is taking up a different course so I never got the chance to be close to him. Anyway, Bonbon and I became friends. Since coming from the same high school, we just clicked and usually be seated together in most of our classes. For about 1 semester, he bugged me about joining him to a choir group in our local church. At first, I hesitated. I don’t know if I have what it takes to be one of them but he insist. So to shut him up, I gave in.

Fast Forward: “Hey J**!” Bonbon called me with my old nickname. “Andito ka lang pala! Di mo man lang ako tinetext.” He said with his charming frown. 

I shot back and said, “Eh alam kong busy ka sa choir eh.” 

He came to my back with Bourbon following him and put his arms around my neck. “Ang daya mo! Sabi mo papupuntahin mo ako sa bahay niyo sa birthday mo. Bakit di mo ako tinawag?”

I almost choked and yet the body contact we made gave me a ticklish feel. “Bonbon! Mamamatay na tong nilalaro ko sa ginagawa mo.” 

He tugged my neck a little more tight. “Ah basta ilibre mo ako ngayon! Kailangan mapakain mo ako.”

I struggled a bit. “Pakyu Bonbon! Parang di ka nagbirthday ah. Eh isang lingo lang naman kaya pagitan ng birthday natin. Sandali nga mamamatay nako dito eh,” Pertaining to my game. 

He loosened his grip on my neck, got the nearest chair he could grab, sat down and gave me a brotherly hug from the back. “Eh alam mo namang mas masinop ka pagdating sa pera. Natalo nga ako sa pustahan ng Miami at Spurs eh.” He rested his head on my shoulder.

“Adik ka Bon! Kelan ka pa naging sugarol?” I shot him with a mean look. 

“Tol uwi muna tayo. Nagtext si Mama. Belated happy birthday na lang J**.”  Bourbon chipped in. 

”Sige kuya Bourbon. Thank you at belated happy birthday din. Huy Bon, uwi na raw kayo.” I said non-chalantly. 

Bon stood-up. “Babalik ako. Huwag kang aalis diyan babalik ako.”

Flashback: In the choir, I met a lot of people. One in particular who stood out is Ninetails. Ninetails is actually a gay guy of the same age as Bonbon. We get along just fine and became friends. Ninetails is very much my opposite on a lot of things. He is comfortable with what he is and unlike me; Ninetails is very much vocal about him liking Bonbon. But Bonbon never wanted to do anything with Ninetails when it comes to a deeper relationship. Bonbon only sees Ninetails as a friend. He is straight as hell.

But Ninetails wanted them to be more than friends. He needed acknowledgement. This love - no-love relationship of theirs has actually escalated. The group became affected. More members of the choir have become involved, even I.  Factions have been made from “let’s all just be friends” group, “pansinin mo na kasi siya” group to “no-to gay relationships” group. But whatever others might say, I just stood neutral.

According to Ninetails with one of our “heart-to-heart” talks, he did everything he could to please Bonbon. He said that all he needed is to be acknowledged and be given the chance to do more things for Bonbon. He said everything hurts especially if his love is just being ignored.

Bonbon on the other hand told me that Ninetails will always be a friend. He is very much thankful for the things that Ninetails did to him but he is very sorry that he can’t give more than a friend should. He is a straight guy and never in his life has he intended to start a relationship with a gay guy.

Fast Forward: “Buti di mo ako tinakbuhan. Hahuntingin kita sa bahay niyo kung iniwan mo ako.” Bonbon just came back.

“Eh busy pa ako eh.” I said while I clicked my mouse furiously.

Bonbon took a chair and seated at the right beside me. “Matagal ka pa?”.

“Medyo,” I said still busy with my game.

He put his left hand on my back and did a circular motion on it. “Bukas na lang kasi yan. Kain muna tayo.”

“Tapusin ko lang game na to.” I said again still busy with the clicking.

“Sige na nga. Kuya pa time ako dito sa pc na to.” He told the guy manning the computer shop.

Flashback: The two never had any closure until 6 years had passed. Both wanted different things, while I end up loving Bonbon. It took me about 2 years to admit to myself that I love that guy. But I was afraid of what I felt. Basically, I know what Bonbon wants with guys like Ninetails - friendship only.  And I thought if I followed what Ninetails had done and confronted my feelings I had, then I might end up just like him. I would have felt nothing but remorse for this kind of emotion for a long period of time. Not to mention what others might think of me as well. So, I boxed that emotion, put our friendship first and just enjoyed each other’s company.

When we graduated college, Bonbon already knew of my preference. But he never mind. We never really discussed anything about it. I am quite relieved about that. Although IF he is going to ask me this question, “Minahal mo rin ba ako tulad nang kay Ninetails?” I will answer, “OO, Sobra. Pero kaibigan kita eh. At sa tingin ko, kaya ko naman ipakita ang pagmamahal ko sayo maski magkaibigan lang tayo. Pero kung liligawan mo ako, ako na siguro ang magiging pinakamasayang bakla sa mundo. :-)”

Fast Forward: “O san tayo kakain?” I asked while walking out of the computer shop.

“Ikaw, san mo ba gusto?” He asked me back.

I shot him a mocking glare, “Loko loko ka talaga! Ako na nga magbabayad tapos ako pa mag iisip?”

He hugged me while he laughed, “Haha! Sorry naman. O sige dun lang tayo sa tambayan natin dati. Dun sa pigar-pigar sa plaza. Hati tayo sa bayad.” He gave me a teasing glare.

“Sige ako na lang. Tutal 8 years mo ring hindi natikman pabirthday ko.” And we walked exchanging stories of who, what and where of our common friends. With his arms on my shoulder and my hands on his waist, I never felt happier to be with my first love again.